you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
