Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
