Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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