I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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