u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
