wake up i wanna do it froggy style
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
