i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
