what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
