My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
