I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
