It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
