Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
