dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
