so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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