New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
