Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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