I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
