i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
birth control should be required to get into college
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
