The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
