Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
