btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
