I just cut my nipple shaving
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
