shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
