There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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