Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
