now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Someone signed my nipple.
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