Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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