Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
