she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
