I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
