I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
