she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
