We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
