i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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