The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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