you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
