I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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