Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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