I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
