But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
