this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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