Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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