there's paper in my vomit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pooping to opera.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize