He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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