I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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