And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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