Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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