You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
