bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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