My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
