I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Naked Twister starts at high noon
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
