Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I didn't notice because vodka
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
