You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
