xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
